"I kissed a drunk giiiirrrlll...why do I do these things to myself?"

I want to cry. And I have no right to want that. I have no RIGHT to be sad and possess a feeling of dread.

I hate KNOWING that later, when I’m an adult, and I’m looking back on my teenage years, I’m going to be thinking “Heh. All that pain…all that worry…I was so ignorant that my future was going to be fine.” It makes me feel so STUPID and that even BEING a teenager with trials like this is pointless. It’s like, why even get upset? Why even cry? Why even be sad? When I’m an adult I’m gonna laugh at it all anyway…

“Yeah, boy, when I was your age I was absolutely IN LOVE with this one girl…but I ended up with your mom. When I was with that other girl though, it KILLED me when we had to break things off. She kissed me and then went running back into her house. I was like ‘Gah!’”

Psh. Why even GET sad about break-ups if you know that in the end you're not going to be married to them anyway and you'll be laughing to your husband about that "guy/girl you used to date" and how torn up you were about it. And here I am crying with the possibility that Jared and I will have to part as friends.

Psh. *sigh*

Blah.

Everybody is against me. I swear.

Whatever. Just...whatever.

I'm just...tired of it. I'm tired of some people treating me the way they do, hurting my feelings and never knowing it, and then telling me they're sorry and not meaning it, and not even knowing what they're doing in the first place. Especially if they're just going to do it again and merely blame it on how butthole-y they are.

I'm overreacting. I know it. But my feelings are hurt. From more than just one thing. She doesn't treat her other friends like this...why me? I'm never good enough for anybody. And I just don't care anymore.

I've been hurt, belittled in my personal opinions regarding certain areas in Christianity, and I'm just...upset.

Yes, I'm sensitive. Is this stupid? Yes. It's SO DUMB to even be posting this in my journal. It doesn't matter. It really doesn't. All I'm doing is looking for pity. That's all it is. I should delete this. I really should...

Friends? What-freaking-ever. Why do I bother with some people?

"With my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt..."

I finished "Brave New World." Rock that.

I love the feeling one gets when one gets to say "I've read that book." I also love the feeling of finishing a book. It makes me feel so...accomplished. Productive.

I had a menangitis vaccine shot today and an eye doctor appointment. I am getting contacts! (Not that I ever wore my glasses anyway...)

I just finished eating Subway. Cold-cut trio, baby. <3

The person who belittled me for my personal opinions on grey issues within Christianity apologized to me, so that was nice... Sometimes it gets old always having to be on the defensive.