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*sigh* I wish I was prettier.
I wish I had friends. My age.
I wish, when I go to the country club, I'd be talked to by my fellow graduate classmates and not just after *I* have approached *them.* It really kind of hurts after awhile. Even if I DO know that they might just not be worth it, and that I'll be in college with a whole set of new people in the fall... It still gets to me. And I'm just not good enough to hang out with those guys.
I didn't know Sarah was back in town, but when I was coming back from the country club, I passed her SUV and she waved and I waved back and smiled. It was nice seeing her on the good 'ole roads here again. I mean...I haven't seen her driving around here in a while...so it just brought back some memories of times we've had...a lot of them driving around in her SUV. However, along with that reminiscence, I also felt a stab of jealousy and sadness at the fact that she probably doesn't miss me at all having moved last summer, and even though we've had fun times together, we never were really good friends, nor was she happy with who I was as a person. She was the epitome of cool for me, and I just never measured up to it. I always feel bad about myself when I'm around her. Hence, the stab of jealousy when I saw her. *sigh*
Why can't I get over not fitting in? I never have, and I probably never will. I hope I find great friends in college that will hang out with me, go to shows with me, and like to be spontaneous and laugh a lot. And although I want to find diversity in my friends, I still would like it if I could have some with my same interests. And same musical tastes. That would be rad.
Yes, that would be rad. *sigh* Maybe if I went to the country club and swam with THEM, I'd be talked to without having to always go up to THEM first and TRY to start a miserably failing conversation.
I wish I had friends. My age.
I wish, when I go to the country club, I'd be talked to by my fellow graduate classmates and not just after *I* have approached *them.* It really kind of hurts after awhile. Even if I DO know that they might just not be worth it, and that I'll be in college with a whole set of new people in the fall... It still gets to me. And I'm just not good enough to hang out with those guys.
I didn't know Sarah was back in town, but when I was coming back from the country club, I passed her SUV and she waved and I waved back and smiled. It was nice seeing her on the good 'ole roads here again. I mean...I haven't seen her driving around here in a while...so it just brought back some memories of times we've had...a lot of them driving around in her SUV. However, along with that reminiscence, I also felt a stab of jealousy and sadness at the fact that she probably doesn't miss me at all having moved last summer, and even though we've had fun times together, we never were really good friends, nor was she happy with who I was as a person. She was the epitome of cool for me, and I just never measured up to it. I always feel bad about myself when I'm around her. Hence, the stab of jealousy when I saw her. *sigh*
Why can't I get over not fitting in? I never have, and I probably never will. I hope I find great friends in college that will hang out with me, go to shows with me, and like to be spontaneous and laugh a lot. And although I want to find diversity in my friends, I still would like it if I could have some with my same interests. And same musical tastes. That would be rad.
Yes, that would be rad. *sigh* Maybe if I went to the country club and swam with THEM, I'd be talked to without having to always go up to THEM first and TRY to start a miserably failing conversation.
