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My life is so freaking pointless.
Why can't I have friends?
I'm so critical of others. Especially other Christians. And yet, nobody seems to measure up to my standards of what it means to REALLY be a friend.
Is it me? Or is it THEM?
Sometimes I just hate being Stephanie.
I'm tired of getting my feelings hurt by people who don't even see it.
I hate being sensitive.
Why does this thing w/ Jake and Brandi bother me so much? I guess it's just...at first, Jacob seemed to want to be my friend, and he seemed to think I was cool. We hugged when we saw each other, and we both liked the same kind of music. A couple people (or MAYBE it was just my imagination, 'cause I AM paranoid) thought that I was "trying to take him away from his girlfriend, Brandi." I WASN'T. I simply have never really had (except for Cody) any guy friends, and so I was excited about it. I could see Jake as being a best guy friend of mine. So I was excited. He's really funny, bubbly, and cute. Then, he just stopped talking to me. Whenever he sees me, he gives me this smile, but the smile has fear written on it. Or obligation. Kind of like, "I can't be your friend because I don't want people thinking you're trying to steal me away from Brandi." I mean, I feel like he doesn't want to be my friend anymore, and it hurts. Now, whenever we're around each other and try to talk, it's awkward, and I'm always afraid that Brandi is going to think I like him, which I DON'T. And Brandi is my friend, too. :( I don't want to lose these guys as friends, I just wish I knew what was going on. Or if anything even WAS going on.
Whatever. Just...I don't care. So I shall be friendless. Whatever. It's nothing new. I was hoping in college things would be different, but I still seem to not have the "friend magnet" that so many people seem to possess. Why NOT though? I'm a NICE, SWEET person.
And Hope and Shay can go screw themselves. I've had it with the falsity of their so called friendship. What effing ever. Excuse me while I now watch 7th Heaven and One Tree Hill in my OWN room, ALONE.
Seems I do best alone, anyway.
Why can't I have friends?
I'm so critical of others. Especially other Christians. And yet, nobody seems to measure up to my standards of what it means to REALLY be a friend.
Is it me? Or is it THEM?
Sometimes I just hate being Stephanie.
I'm tired of getting my feelings hurt by people who don't even see it.
I hate being sensitive.
Why does this thing w/ Jake and Brandi bother me so much? I guess it's just...at first, Jacob seemed to want to be my friend, and he seemed to think I was cool. We hugged when we saw each other, and we both liked the same kind of music. A couple people (or MAYBE it was just my imagination, 'cause I AM paranoid) thought that I was "trying to take him away from his girlfriend, Brandi." I WASN'T. I simply have never really had (except for Cody) any guy friends, and so I was excited about it. I could see Jake as being a best guy friend of mine. So I was excited. He's really funny, bubbly, and cute. Then, he just stopped talking to me. Whenever he sees me, he gives me this smile, but the smile has fear written on it. Or obligation. Kind of like, "I can't be your friend because I don't want people thinking you're trying to steal me away from Brandi." I mean, I feel like he doesn't want to be my friend anymore, and it hurts. Now, whenever we're around each other and try to talk, it's awkward, and I'm always afraid that Brandi is going to think I like him, which I DON'T. And Brandi is my friend, too. :( I don't want to lose these guys as friends, I just wish I knew what was going on. Or if anything even WAS going on.
Whatever. Just...I don't care. So I shall be friendless. Whatever. It's nothing new. I was hoping in college things would be different, but I still seem to not have the "friend magnet" that so many people seem to possess. Why NOT though? I'm a NICE, SWEET person.
And Hope and Shay can go screw themselves. I've had it with the falsity of their so called friendship. What effing ever. Excuse me while I now watch 7th Heaven and One Tree Hill in my OWN room, ALONE.
Seems I do best alone, anyway.
