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Sep. 12th, 2004 12:41 amSo today was fun. I got up at 12, studied for my Child and Adolescent Development test, then Mom and I went out. First we stopped at Target to see what movies they had, then we went to Barnes & Noble so she could see the prices of “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren for her Bible study group. Then we went to this place called Plato’s Closet, and they have used movies for sale for 4 bucks, and I got “What Lies Beneath.” Then we went to Wal-Mart and got a few things, me again looking at the movies. I’m trying to collect all of my favorites. I’ll be asking for a lot for my birthday I imagine.
Then we went to Ruby Tuesday to eat. It was nice. I love my mom. She’s my best friend. We talked a lot. She is an amazing woman. When we got home, we watched “The Parent Trap” together. <33
I also love my dad. I was looking so forward to him picking me up from school on Thursday so we could talk the whole way home. And we did. It was wonderful. I love my parents so much. Mom and I also went out to eat on Friday, and our conversation was splendid. I love going out to dinner with my Mom.
On Friday I also had to renew my license. And I had to take the 10 road sign questions and the 25 general knowledge questions for my stupid speeding ticket two years ago. Otherwise, I’d only have to take the vision test.
I also had a psychiatrist appointment on Friday. That went okay. I’ve been feeling a little more depressed the past couple of days and I think it may be because I went down on my medication. My attitude has also been kind of manic depressive, so I definitely think I need to go back up on my meds. I have so many psychological problems. Ugh. What man will want to be with me. I’ll probably call my psychiatrist on Monday. And I'm still feeling unmotivated to do any of my schoolwork. And when I say unmotivated, I mean REALLY unmotivated. Like, I think I got dumb over the summer also. Because I can't understand anything in my courses, and they aren't even hard.
I don’t know if God is with me. My mom keeps telling me that this is all in God’s plan, but I don’t know if I believe her. If only God could send one of his angels down here to tell me face to face that all of this I’m going through is in God’s plan, I would believe it.
I don’t know what’s going on. I just wish I could be like I used to be with God. Where I was actually being used for His glory left and right. Now, I just feel stagnant. I'm not stable enough to do anything for God. I keep asking him to transform me, but he won't. I’m so screwed up. I really am. People don’t realize it. But I’m really messed up. I choose God, but I keep slipping. Like, one minute I'm on fire for God, the next, I'm doubting again. And literally, when I say a minute, I mean a minute. Seriously. I don't know what's wrong with me. I wish I could be like my roommate and suitemates, whose relationships with God seem to be so great. I feel like God hasn't chosen me as one of His children. I feel like no matter what I do, it doesn't matter, because He just has turned his back on me.
Oh dear.
Then we went to Ruby Tuesday to eat. It was nice. I love my mom. She’s my best friend. We talked a lot. She is an amazing woman. When we got home, we watched “The Parent Trap” together. <33
I also love my dad. I was looking so forward to him picking me up from school on Thursday so we could talk the whole way home. And we did. It was wonderful. I love my parents so much. Mom and I also went out to eat on Friday, and our conversation was splendid. I love going out to dinner with my Mom.
On Friday I also had to renew my license. And I had to take the 10 road sign questions and the 25 general knowledge questions for my stupid speeding ticket two years ago. Otherwise, I’d only have to take the vision test.
I also had a psychiatrist appointment on Friday. That went okay. I’ve been feeling a little more depressed the past couple of days and I think it may be because I went down on my medication. My attitude has also been kind of manic depressive, so I definitely think I need to go back up on my meds. I have so many psychological problems. Ugh. What man will want to be with me. I’ll probably call my psychiatrist on Monday. And I'm still feeling unmotivated to do any of my schoolwork. And when I say unmotivated, I mean REALLY unmotivated. Like, I think I got dumb over the summer also. Because I can't understand anything in my courses, and they aren't even hard.
I don’t know if God is with me. My mom keeps telling me that this is all in God’s plan, but I don’t know if I believe her. If only God could send one of his angels down here to tell me face to face that all of this I’m going through is in God’s plan, I would believe it.
I don’t know what’s going on. I just wish I could be like I used to be with God. Where I was actually being used for His glory left and right. Now, I just feel stagnant. I'm not stable enough to do anything for God. I keep asking him to transform me, but he won't. I’m so screwed up. I really am. People don’t realize it. But I’m really messed up. I choose God, but I keep slipping. Like, one minute I'm on fire for God, the next, I'm doubting again. And literally, when I say a minute, I mean a minute. Seriously. I don't know what's wrong with me. I wish I could be like my roommate and suitemates, whose relationships with God seem to be so great. I feel like God hasn't chosen me as one of His children. I feel like no matter what I do, it doesn't matter, because He just has turned his back on me.
Oh dear.
