hot_foot_steph | a thing

I am not: patient
I love: Jared
I hate: waiting
I fear: not marrying Jared
I hope: God wants Jared and I together (is there a pattern in this or what?) ;)
I hear: the buzzing of my CPU
I crave: YooHoo drink
I cry: when I make Jared frustrated with himself...or with the situation...or with the idea he sometimes gets that he can't do anything to make me feel better at the given moment...'cause he gets this defeated look on his face (it's usually very fleeting, but yeah...)...or when I confuse him. I also cry when I realize how much I'm failing to trust God and when I realize I'm doing everything wrong. And when I'm overcome by worry and fear.
I care: about Jared's personal relationship with God
I always: worry
I smell: mediocre
I believe: I struggle with unbelief
I bleed: when I cut myself shaving :D
I break: when I realize how much I've not been trusting God
I listen: not very well ;)
I hide: my face when I get embarrassed. And when I'm telling Jared something that's hard for me to say. (I talk to him through his shoulder) ;) And sometimes after I kiss Jared. Or sometimes I actually just laugh. I'm getting better at not being embarrassed though. :)
I sing: "Tourniquet" by Evanescence when I'm in the car ALONE so I can BELT OUT my AMY LEE voice. Rock that. Oh yes. You know it. ;)
I dance: to music in my room and pretend like I'm on stage. It's fun to lip-SCREAM ;) Haha. Like when you're listening to screamy music.
I get angry: when it's PMS time! And when people are ignorant in a stupid way.
I wait: for my wedding day.
I write: in my prayer journal
I wish: I could trust God completely...as in, be completely content with NOT KNOWING if I'm going to marry Jared or not, and being content with not knowing ANYTHING about what God's going to bring to me in college and beyond
I play: piano
I meant: that, when I'm being difficult and having a hard time explaining to Jared what I mean, I don't want Jared to feel like he doesn't help me. (this connecting with the whole "defeated look" he can get which always makes me feel horrible...as I never want him to feel like that)
I miss: Jared. And having him hold me when I cry. It's so comforting. He makes me feel so safe.
I learn: that worry is pointless (But does that stop the Stephanie from worrying? Of course not!) Psh
I feel: bad that I haven't spent time with God in two days
I know: God is in charge but my "I know" is very...faithless. I wish I could say "I know" and "I believe" and 100% believe it. That guy who asked Jesus to "help him with his unbelief" was me. Man. I can't believe I have such little faith.
I dream: that Jared is about to marry Lizzy McGuire. (Haha, dude, I'm serious. I dreamt that. Except he chose me over her.) ;)
I wonder: what God thinks of movies that try to depict Him. And Heaven. And Hell. And other things like that. Like Bruce Almighty (great movie). I see the guy who plays God and wonder if God's REALLY like that. I mean, I think God GAVE us a sense of understanding of Him, and movies, books, devotionals, etc. that depict God would probably be how I would too (well, SOME movies/books...and, obviously, they're not always EXACTLY how I'd depict him), but I always wonder how close or far off they are to depicting the REAL God. Like when writers of Christian literature have "God/me" conversations and write out what God would say in response to His child's prayer. I always wonder what God would REALLY say, you know? Not that it would be far from it or anything necessarily...but I always wonder things like that.
I want: for Jared to be here
I have: a lot to be thankful for
I give: off a lot of nervous energy
I fight: Fights scare me. They make me nauseous.
I need: to dwell in the fact that the battle is the Lord's, not mine.