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hot_foot_stephIt's amazing how much we still doubt after God has proven Himself time and time again.
You can have all the "proof" in the world to believe Jesus is the Son of God...and still have overwhelming doubts. Even of God's very existence.
I just got back from my appointment. I worry that I might relapse back into my depression or something once I'm covered in NEW stresses, worries, situations. I hope that doesn't happen.
And there are STILL things I probably need to talk with a counselor about and haven't. At least, I think maybe I SHOULD? Or SOMEthing? Maybe not? I don't know. Ann said, "So is there anything else we need to talk about? Any rock we haven't uncovered?" and I said no, but the truth is, there still ARE. I mean, they aren't real BIG, but still. I think I just hope that they'll go away with time...withOUT having to mention them to a counselor and go through behavioral therapy. *shudder* Some things are just too embarrassing. Amazing how our pride can stop us from doing something as essential as helping ourselves, isn't it? But it's not like it's that big of a deal. I mean, my "other stuff." At least not now it isn't. And since I'm going away in two weeks, I won't really have time to do behavioral therapy with Ann. And yet, if I find I NEED to talk to a counselor on campus, she won't know my (somewhat previous) case and it'll be hard to explain it to her ALL OVER again. And I don't even know if I can do that. Not that she'll NEED to know the entire case to help me with ANOTHER problem. Or something.
Sometimes I think that if I loved mySELF enough, I'd let EVERYTHING out about me in order to get help. But I always think "I'll just settle with having most of my problems gone." I rationalize that it's okay 'cause EVERYBODY has problems and it's okay to have a hidden problem nobody really knows about or can't help you with. Especially when it's not too BIG and it's not dominant in your mind. And then I think that if I loved Jared enough, I'd get help with EVERY aspect of my "problem life" because the more I better mySELF, the more pleasant I am for HIM to be around. And the less HE has to worry about me.
I don't understand why practically EVERY emo/hardcore/metal band has to make a breakup (or something of that sort) synonymous with blood, knives, and death. For instance, a lyric from Thrice: "Your eyes slit the throat of all I know." Slitting throats? C'mon now. It's just...distasteful to me. And Taking Back Sunday: "You could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt." I mean...that's like...horrible. I don't get it. It's unnecessary. I really don't understand it. It's a recurring theme in ALL these bands. I'm not saying I don't like some of them, but it just confuses me. And Alkaline Trio: "Step one - slit my throat, step two-play in my blood." ?! Sheesh. THREE SONGS mentioned the slitting of a throat! Do we need to be so VIOLENT? You don't have to talk about slitting your throat to be considered "emotional."
I got a CD today. MewithoutYOU "A--->B Life" Whatever that means. :)
I think music is a disease. The more you get, the more you think "I don't have enough music!" Right Carroll? ;)
Yesterday Allison and I saw "Bruce Almighty." I LOVED it. It was HILARIOUS. I kept going from crying to laughing in like, an instant. Then we went to this grill and she got coffee icecream and I got a club sandwich ('cause I hadn't eaten dinner yet.)
I think I might be gaining weight or something. I mean, not noticeably, but, I don't know. I need to exercise. I really do. And CONSISTENTLY. Not just once every 3 weeks. Hopefully Julie (my roommate) will be my motivator 'cause she works out and is excited about working out at school. We'll probably work out together or something. I usually don't worry much about exercising 'cause I have a high metabolism and burn off calories easily. But I think that the more I DON'T exercise, the more my metabolism will DEcrease. And people who burn off calories easily usually take that for granted and think they can eat all the food they want and not have it affect them. But it does. First of all, it's unhealthy. Second of all, it might hurt you in the long run, and you'll gain weight or something. (I'm not sure if this is true or not, I'm just theorizing/hypothesizing). And yet, skinnier people typically eat more than bigger people...'cause they burn off calories so easily, they get hungry and can eat more. I know that's true with me. I mean, I'm like, a pig. At times. I DON'T WANT TO GAIN 300 POUNDS BY THE TIME I'M 30...!!!!! EEK!
I'm going running with Allison tonight though!
I'm done.
You can have all the "proof" in the world to believe Jesus is the Son of God...and still have overwhelming doubts. Even of God's very existence.
I just got back from my appointment. I worry that I might relapse back into my depression or something once I'm covered in NEW stresses, worries, situations. I hope that doesn't happen.
And there are STILL things I probably need to talk with a counselor about and haven't. At least, I think maybe I SHOULD? Or SOMEthing? Maybe not? I don't know. Ann said, "So is there anything else we need to talk about? Any rock we haven't uncovered?" and I said no, but the truth is, there still ARE. I mean, they aren't real BIG, but still. I think I just hope that they'll go away with time...withOUT having to mention them to a counselor and go through behavioral therapy. *shudder* Some things are just too embarrassing. Amazing how our pride can stop us from doing something as essential as helping ourselves, isn't it? But it's not like it's that big of a deal. I mean, my "other stuff." At least not now it isn't. And since I'm going away in two weeks, I won't really have time to do behavioral therapy with Ann. And yet, if I find I NEED to talk to a counselor on campus, she won't know my (somewhat previous) case and it'll be hard to explain it to her ALL OVER again. And I don't even know if I can do that. Not that she'll NEED to know the entire case to help me with ANOTHER problem. Or something.
Sometimes I think that if I loved mySELF enough, I'd let EVERYTHING out about me in order to get help. But I always think "I'll just settle with having most of my problems gone." I rationalize that it's okay 'cause EVERYBODY has problems and it's okay to have a hidden problem nobody really knows about or can't help you with. Especially when it's not too BIG and it's not dominant in your mind. And then I think that if I loved Jared enough, I'd get help with EVERY aspect of my "problem life" because the more I better mySELF, the more pleasant I am for HIM to be around. And the less HE has to worry about me.
I don't understand why practically EVERY emo/hardcore/metal band has to make a breakup (or something of that sort) synonymous with blood, knives, and death. For instance, a lyric from Thrice: "Your eyes slit the throat of all I know." Slitting throats? C'mon now. It's just...distasteful to me. And Taking Back Sunday: "You could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt." I mean...that's like...horrible. I don't get it. It's unnecessary. I really don't understand it. It's a recurring theme in ALL these bands. I'm not saying I don't like some of them, but it just confuses me. And Alkaline Trio: "Step one - slit my throat, step two-play in my blood." ?! Sheesh. THREE SONGS mentioned the slitting of a throat! Do we need to be so VIOLENT? You don't have to talk about slitting your throat to be considered "emotional."
I got a CD today. MewithoutYOU "A--->B Life" Whatever that means. :)
I think music is a disease. The more you get, the more you think "I don't have enough music!" Right Carroll? ;)
Yesterday Allison and I saw "Bruce Almighty." I LOVED it. It was HILARIOUS. I kept going from crying to laughing in like, an instant. Then we went to this grill and she got coffee icecream and I got a club sandwich ('cause I hadn't eaten dinner yet.)
I think I might be gaining weight or something. I mean, not noticeably, but, I don't know. I need to exercise. I really do. And CONSISTENTLY. Not just once every 3 weeks. Hopefully Julie (my roommate) will be my motivator 'cause she works out and is excited about working out at school. We'll probably work out together or something. I usually don't worry much about exercising 'cause I have a high metabolism and burn off calories easily. But I think that the more I DON'T exercise, the more my metabolism will DEcrease. And people who burn off calories easily usually take that for granted and think they can eat all the food they want and not have it affect them. But it does. First of all, it's unhealthy. Second of all, it might hurt you in the long run, and you'll gain weight or something. (I'm not sure if this is true or not, I'm just theorizing/hypothesizing). And yet, skinnier people typically eat more than bigger people...'cause they burn off calories so easily, they get hungry and can eat more. I know that's true with me. I mean, I'm like, a pig. At times. I DON'T WANT TO GAIN 300 POUNDS BY THE TIME I'M 30...!!!!! EEK!
I'm going running with Allison tonight though!
I'm done.
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Date: 2003-08-07 01:20 pm (UTC)Ahh, I looooved Bruce Almighty. I saw it twice in the theatre...once with a friend, where I was crying so bad from laughing [the news anchor scene] and literally couldn't stop...and the second time with Matt <3, Shelby and Andy. Great movie!
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Date: 2003-08-07 02:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-08-07 06:24 pm (UTC)