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Sep. 8th, 2003 09:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hot_foot_stephI am so confused. SO confused.
I just read the first chapter in my Intro to Psychology book. It was titled "What makes psychology a science?" And I'm just confused I guess. I'm confused on who God is.
Dammit, I'm just...so CONFUSED. I cannot settle down and relax when I feel as though my very beliefs and salvation are in jeopardy.
Who's right, dude?
Why did God give us a brain?
What is truth? Seriously. What is the definition of truth and how can ANYTHING really be truth if skeptics question facts as well? 'Cause if they question facts, they have to question science. What is science? Our journey to the mind of God? So why does it lead some people away from God? Why did the people of Paleolithic, etc. times have the instinct of there being a higher power? How come now, people who don't believe there is a God deny it?
Is it WRONG to believe in God blindly? Is it WRONG to close the mind off to all these swirling psychological thoughts and just be like "I BELIEVE AND I DON'T KNOW WHY!"? Is it BAD to be ignorant by choice? 'Cause that's what I'm doing right now. No, I'm not being ignorant...I'm just scared to learn. Shows how much freaking faith STEPHANIE has. "I'm too scared that the more I learn the more my faith will be discredited within me." How freaking messed UP is that? I'm AFRAID of learning. I want to learn, but I'm afraid of it. What does this tell you?
Am I a blind believer? If I'm blind, does that REALLY make me a believer? What IS a believer? How much faith is enough? Is salvation REALLY ultimately God's choice or not?
If every human can have different opinions shaped by their experiences, who brings about experiences? Experiences aren't in the head. So psychology HAS to connect with SOME sort of "outside force." Maybe?
I am going, literally, insane. I can't relax to save my life. If I'm not secure that I am going to be in Heaven with Jesus (who I struggle with so much unbelief in, dammit), I canNOT relax no matter WHAT you tell me. People who are experts in knowing how to cope with stress and crap like that...they WON'T be able to help me if this is my primary concern. 'Cause what CAN help you unless someone convinces you you're saved? And who can do that? Who but God can convince you? And what if he doesn't seem to be doing that at the time? How am I supposed to KNOW there is a God? How am I supposed to KNOW I am saved? How...do...I...KNOW? And what if there's a different god up there?
Do I believe blindly? Partially, yes.
Dude, I suck.
Nothing can calm me down right now. Except for maybe other people. Perhaps I should go...find somebody. I'm in my dorm room alone.
This SUCKS dude. I HATE life if I am not convinced of an afterlife with the God of the Bible. So either this means He DOES exist for why ELSE would I be like this, or that I have been brainwashed.
Which...is...it?
I just read the first chapter in my Intro to Psychology book. It was titled "What makes psychology a science?" And I'm just confused I guess. I'm confused on who God is.
Dammit, I'm just...so CONFUSED. I cannot settle down and relax when I feel as though my very beliefs and salvation are in jeopardy.
Who's right, dude?
Why did God give us a brain?
What is truth? Seriously. What is the definition of truth and how can ANYTHING really be truth if skeptics question facts as well? 'Cause if they question facts, they have to question science. What is science? Our journey to the mind of God? So why does it lead some people away from God? Why did the people of Paleolithic, etc. times have the instinct of there being a higher power? How come now, people who don't believe there is a God deny it?
Is it WRONG to believe in God blindly? Is it WRONG to close the mind off to all these swirling psychological thoughts and just be like "I BELIEVE AND I DON'T KNOW WHY!"? Is it BAD to be ignorant by choice? 'Cause that's what I'm doing right now. No, I'm not being ignorant...I'm just scared to learn. Shows how much freaking faith STEPHANIE has. "I'm too scared that the more I learn the more my faith will be discredited within me." How freaking messed UP is that? I'm AFRAID of learning. I want to learn, but I'm afraid of it. What does this tell you?
Am I a blind believer? If I'm blind, does that REALLY make me a believer? What IS a believer? How much faith is enough? Is salvation REALLY ultimately God's choice or not?
If every human can have different opinions shaped by their experiences, who brings about experiences? Experiences aren't in the head. So psychology HAS to connect with SOME sort of "outside force." Maybe?
I am going, literally, insane. I can't relax to save my life. If I'm not secure that I am going to be in Heaven with Jesus (who I struggle with so much unbelief in, dammit), I canNOT relax no matter WHAT you tell me. People who are experts in knowing how to cope with stress and crap like that...they WON'T be able to help me if this is my primary concern. 'Cause what CAN help you unless someone convinces you you're saved? And who can do that? Who but God can convince you? And what if he doesn't seem to be doing that at the time? How am I supposed to KNOW there is a God? How am I supposed to KNOW I am saved? How...do...I...KNOW? And what if there's a different god up there?
Do I believe blindly? Partially, yes.
Dude, I suck.
Nothing can calm me down right now. Except for maybe other people. Perhaps I should go...find somebody. I'm in my dorm room alone.
This SUCKS dude. I HATE life if I am not convinced of an afterlife with the God of the Bible. So either this means He DOES exist for why ELSE would I be like this, or that I have been brainwashed.
Which...is...it?
