hot_foot_steph | (no subject)

Okay guys, I SERIOUSLY need prayer.

No joke.

I have upped my dosage of medicine for my anxiety and my brain has been screwing me over like whoa.

The last couple of nights I haven't been able to FALL ASLEEP until like, 6 A.M. And as a result of that, my physical health has been deterioriating and I haven't been making much sense in anything I say at all.

I don't knoooooowww. =\

I'm trying to hold on to Jesus, but it's really hard right now, guys. Really hard. I mean, I thought I was getting stronger during this time because I could ACTUALLY stop my brain from taking wrong directions and thinking irrational thoughts. I have been SO scared lately about becoming insane. =\

And all this...from just a 10 mg uppage of medicine?!

I'm scared. But...I think I'm getting better. After talking to my parents last night (heh, morning) at 5:30 A.M., my body, I guess, just finally collapsed and I went to sleep. So I got some sleep and I feel a little better. However, I'm going to have to report all this change to my counselor AND psychiatrist and I'm scared as crap.

I JUST WANT TO FEEL LIKE I AM NORMAL.

I JUST WANT TO HAVE FAITH WITHOUT IT SEEMING TO SCAR ME.

I just hope God really DOES have a plan for me despite...all...THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Um, I'm done I think.