hot_foot_steph

So...Julie, Heather and I had a conversation about faith tonight. Why is it that my faith is so weak and theirs is so strong? Why do I have to be so overly analytical about everything? Why do I have to "what if" and "but" everything?

Basically, my question is, well, several things. Crap. I can't remember. I hate this depression. My psychiatrist said that the last thing to come back would be my concentration and memory. And I can't even remember the conversation.

People that do, could you please pray that I will be able to concentrate in my classes and in all the work that I'll have to do? Thanks.

Tomorrow, classes start. I'm taking:

-Intro to the Ministry
-Literature Appreciation
-Child and Adolescent Development
-Abnormal Psychology
-Intro to Sociology
-a singing group on campus

I have 16 credit hours. But I'm thinking about dropping Lit. Appreciation because English I think would be the toughest thing for me to concentrate on right now. I tried to do a research paper last semester and totally flopped on it, so...

My major is Behavioral Science and my minor is Christian Studies right now.

Oh, and Joy, the school I go to is totally not strict. It's pretty awesome for a Christian school. You should totally transfer here. That would rock.

Crap, I'm still trying to remember what it was that I was asking about regarding faith. Basically, if you have faith that God's will will happen, and it doesn't, what is the point of your faith? Because not everything that happens is God's will. Sin is not God's will. Julie and Heather replied that GOd can do good through sin, but sin in itself is not God's will. So if you have faith that God's will will be done and it's not, your faith is futile, right? Not everything you have faith for happens, and Jesus says "Pray and if you believe that it's yours, you will receive it." Well what happens when you don't? Because you don't always get what you ask for even if you do have faith that you will get it. So, what then? Is it that you didn't *really* have faith? Or what?

I just have so many questions that are unanswered and it kills me.

WHY is my faith not strong? W-H-Y? Can someone tell me that? Why is my faith not strong? Because I question everything? Hopefully God gave me this quality of my personality for SOMEthing that He has in store for me. But what? Does He even have a plan for me?

Julie and Heather both think I need to have more faith and think positively. I know I need to think positively about things, but how do I just up and "have more faith?" How do I do that? How do you have more faith? How can I have more faith?

Gah. This is killing me.