"Waaaaaaaaaake up, it's 6 A.M..."

[hot_foot_steph]

I HATE having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I feel like less of a person.

For me to not be able to HANDLE the normal stresses of life.

I called my counselor, for the MILLIONTH time (I feel so bad calling her on Emergency call...I've done it so many times since I had this overdosage of medicine...but I HAD to!) and she calmed me down. I should NOT have watched "Girl, Interrupted." My counselor scolded me, saying that my brain's not ready for that kind of movie. I told her I thought I was supposed to be fine after two weeks, but she told me it would get BETTER in two weeks (which two weeks has already passed), but that I may not be where I need to be for months. =\ :'(

I don't WANT Jared to have to DEAL with a PSYCHO GIRLFRIEND!!!

I don't LIKE myself right now. At all at all.

I don't WANT to have this!!! http://www.ocfoundation.org/ocf1010a.htm

Comments

[therachel.livejournal.com]

my friend amanda (dolmadez on lj)
and i both suffer with various brain problems.
you're always welcome to email and/or call me and/or cry on my shoulder, if you ever need prayer, please don't hesitate to let me know.

i have a few people in my life that are ocd.
i understand it's terribly complicated to live with,
but guess what....

i've decided this about my illness (i'm bipolar in case you didn't hear my echoe across the valleys and canyons and mountains of the world).....

if i can still come out screaming PRAISE THE LORD FOR HE IS GOOD, HIS MERCY ENDURETH FOREVER i'm okay. like job. he had it a bit worse off than i do, but he stood his ground and so should we.


be tough girl, i know it sucks, but i know you've got what it takes to rise up and refuse to take defete for an answer.

<3rachel

Re:

[peacefulmisery.livejournal.com]

but I cursed God. Like, literally cursed him. I was like, "F you and your plan and your Son is f-ed up. If this is the kind of God you are then I don't want you. So if you want save me, fine, send me to Hell, I don't care. In fact, do it now. I test you!!!" etc. =\ The Bible says that if you blaspheme against the Holy Spirit, you won't be forgiven. And Job's wife told Job to "Curse God and die." Well, I cursed God. Does this mean He won't forgive me? =\

Re:

[therachel.livejournal.com]

He knows your heart.
we say things sometimes, things that we don't mean.
I have the feeling that my understanding of who I am as a christian did not finally get to a mature point until last year. it's more than just acknowledging God, it's about changing your whole life in alliance with what He wants for you.
Go, and sin no more. that doesn't mean that we're not going to sin, because all fall short of the glory of God, but that doesn't mean that we should purposely sin.
i really feel like you've got to make a decision when you're in the right mind, I am pretty sure God understands that I've done things that no Christian should have ever done.
That's why he came to save us. He *wants* to love us. He wants to be our Father, He *wants* to take care of us.

So don't come to that conclusion too soon baby doll.
the Lord knows your heart, remember that.
and once it's washed in the blood of the lamb, you're good to go ;)